unconditional love

DISCLAIMER: This post may be offensive to some people, not the intent. As we all know, it is common for humans to use the wrong words or inappropriate terms when we communicate and at times can be offensive to others. However, this is my blog and if you have a problem with it, let me know, maybe I will be able to explain what I meant in a better way, otherwise happy reading.

The other day I was watching TV and there was a story about a family celebrating Christmas and all the crazy things that happened to them along the way. Only there was a catch, this family didn’t believe in God or Jesus. I’m not sure if they were Atheist, or Agnostic, or what, (this is the part that could be offensive) but they were celebrating a CHRISTIAN holiday. A holiday that celebrates the birth of Jesus, as Christians believe to be the son of God that came to earth to save the world. The oh so human-not perfect-stubborn-hard headed-close minded part of myself, (hard to believe I am all of those things I know, haha) got so angry. I was angry because Christmas is a time to be thankful, show love towards everyone, and spread the gospel of Jesus Christ. And here we have a family that doesn’t even believe in Christ. Using the celebration of Christ’s birth as an excuse to give material goods to other people in their life and receive them in return. Unfortunately in America we have twisted the concept of Christmas into, what is in it for me? Who can get the best presents, with the prettiest wrapping paper? Something so far from what it should be about. To the point that people who don’t even believe in CHRIST are celebrating CHRISTmas. The thought that people who don’t believe in God or Jesus get together and exchange gifts and have a good time with their family made me feel irate. The thought of other people feeling love and kindness while denying Christ made me furious. Then I took a step back and thought about how Jesus felt about this. Was it a dose of humility or what? This is what makes my savior so AWESOME & AMAZING. While Jesus wants us to know him more than anything, he also gave us free will. Jesus doesn’t look down on those people and think “how dare they!” or “I’m about to blast them with 15 years of bad luck!” He would rather be denied on his own birthday by people, than for them to be alone on the holidays or any day of the year for that matter. Jesus still loves those people, and wants the best for them even if they deny him on the day his birth is celebrated. He wants the best for them, like he wants the best for me, someone who loves him so much. If only we humans could have more of Jesus’ heart and mind set.  On the day Jesus was born there are people in this world who exchange gifts, who have heard the gospel, and still deny Christ. What does Christ do in return? Love them anyway. Wow. What a witness. It is incredibly breath taking to me, someone who could be so selfless, loving, and forgiving. He doesn’t love those people any less than he loves me, what an amazing father.  I have been thinking about it a lot this week, and I am certain it is something God has put on my heart to learn from and use to help me grow.

the heart is deceitful

coming home to visit is the best thing in the entire world. There is no better feeling than being around people who know you and are genuinely excited to see you. When you move and know hardly anyone, it's a rarity to see excitement from other people. I love excitement. It's a large part of what makes me Abbey. The weekend was filled with a lot of quality time, getting to go to Homecoming at my Alma mater, that's weird to say....congrats UCA on the championship! I loved walking around the tailgate and getting little memories of all the good times I had at UCA during my undergrad. It's crazy to think about how much my life has changed in a year. Also congrats to Molly Gardner & Lauren Canada on maid of honor and Queen! Such an honor! My four years at UCA were amazing and unforgettable. Not because of Conway, UCA, or the Bears, but because of the people I met along the way. Lifelong friendships, the very ones I miss so much when I am in Ruston. I also got to spend a little time with my other half, Conley. Conley is my b.f.f., as she would say and I won't disagree. Conley and I got close this past summer when I got the chance to babysit her and her little brother Cooper, what a blessing it was and still is in my life! I surprised Conley on Halloween night by trick or treating at her door, she looked like a child on Christmas when she saw me!The highlight of my trip home by far. Not to mention Cooper her little brother is an angel too, he gave me lots of lovin, and hugs. I have even managed to maintain a friendship with their parents, Yanci & Brandon. I enjoy their company and the short conversations we get to have while Conley is busy eating, drinking, or breathing. Otherwise, she's the chatterbox. Haha.  The comfort of my home, the smell of the fireplace, and food cooking just warmed my heart and hopefully will remain fresh in there until I get to come back for thanksgiving.
After Church today my dad,mom, and I were sitting around the table eating the scrumptious meal mom prepared for us. We started talking about cancer, the little facts I have been learning along the way in my classes. I started to discuss the one good thing about Cancer, because believe it or not there is a good thing: preparation. I told mom & dad about how we had a guest speaker come visit our class last week that was a Child Life Specialist at St.Jude's. He talked about the good thing about cancer and how you can prepare. He told us many times he got to sit and plan with children what songs they want to play at their funeral, what they want people to do, who they want to have their car, etc. My mom immediately agreed. Discussing a family who recently lost one of their sons in a tragic accident in Conway, she stated that she was sure that mother would have loved to have had more time to prepare for her son's goodbye. My dad then piped in and said you know that's what your grandmother used to say, that there was 3 things that was good about Cancer for her. She said that the first thing was preparation, getting to cope with saying goodbye and learning to let go. The second thing was the fact that she will never have to be a widow, she passed before my grandfather. And the final thing was that she never had to bury a child of her own before she passed away. My grandmother was great. I feel bad for even using such an adjective to describe her, she was amazing. Immediately my father put his hands in his face, and my mom told him it was okay to cry sometimes. My mom loves my dad so much, and so do I.  For a moment we all cried and talked about how much we missed grandma. So many days pass that I wish she was still here just to hug me. But so much of who she is, is still with me everyday. She is the first thing I think of when the word cancer comes to mind.
This afternoon I went to see the Flight with Denzel Washington, it is a must see. Exceptionally good, with a plot that has you on your feet guessing what will happen as the end of the movie draws near. It briefly touches on the essence of life and how short it can be, not only short, but also, uncertain. As if the mid-day cry session wasn't enough, I lost it again during the movie. Lost it because it reminded me of grandma again, and how much I love my parents. I also lost it because I saw the movie with some close friends that I used to get to see everyday if I wanted too, and now that is not the case. Thinking about if tonight was the unexpected last night for all of us to hang out was pulling on my heart strings. Then also losing it because reality snuck back in and I thought about how I just wished I could stay here in Conway. Not because I hate Ruston, but because I love my family here. Not just blood related family either. Don't take for granted these days with the people you have around you, if you love them, tell them. If you are doing good with your life, do better and if you are doing bad, it is never to late to start fresh. In Jeremiah chapter 17, verse 9 it says, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" This verse may cause confusion for some, because of the ever present quote "follow your heart." But actually if I followed my heart right now, I wouldn't go back to Ruston. I would be selfish, stay at home in Conway, find a job somewhere, and never help any children with cancer. Right now my heart is saying..you miss your family....look at how much easier life is with your friends less than 5 mins away.....do what you want, don't worry about anyone else. That's the beauty of how God made us, he gave us a brain to disect those feelings in our hearts. Figure out why we feel the way we do, learn from those feelings, and move on! Letting those feelings master your life decisions could be destructive. Here's what my brain tells me about what my heart is saying...you need to make more time for your family while you are home, since the move has really revealed to you how much more you value them in your life....life is easier with your friends by your side, so try not to dwell so much on all the seriousness of growing up when you're with them, remember to be silly and laugh, those are important things to do with friends.....and last but not least, if you do what you WANT, you may never get what you NEED. I want to stay here in Conway, but what I need to do is make a difference. Which requires me to push aside what I want temporarily, because normally when you do what you need, you realize that what you wanted isn't exactly what you WANTED after all. If you are confused, take a second and think about it. The heart is decietful, not bad, but meant to be used with logic from our brains! Just think about the fruits of the spirit!Getting up bright and early to head back to Ruston, night night! Love you all.

Cooper was BuzzLightyear & Conley was a cheerleader, this was right when I got to their house after getting into town.

 That's my grandma, she is pointing to Mother Theresa, she had the priveledge to meet her. Rest in Peace Grandma, I love you.

to everything turn, turn, turn......

Sorry it has been so long since the past update but things have actually been picking up so I have been a little, just a little busier, than usual! Which is an answered prayer, thank you Lord! I am currently blessed enough to get the privilege to watch a little girl named Sydney on Wednesdays and sometimes on the weekend as well. It is absolutely crazy how much being around Sydney, makes for an easier day, and a day that is much happier. The simplicity of children for me is such a breath of fresh air. She gets excited to see me, and that means a lot.....man, I sound pathetic....oh well! Haha! This Sunday I start my other job babysitting at a Church here in Ruston called Calvary. I will just be working the nursery, which is exciting yet again, to get to be around kiddo's. But what I am looking forward to the most is CASEY coming to visit tomorrow for the weekend! I am SO EXCITED I can't even begin to explain. Having someone around who knows me, who understands why I abbreviate everything, and how singing in the car at the top of my lungs isn't a concert, its an everyday occurrence. The thing I value the most though is that Casey always keeps her word, a quality that every friend should have. I never worried that she wouldn't visit, because she said she would, and she always sticks to what she says. If you are reading, love you case! Thanks for being a true friend.
Now that the love fest 2003 is over, haha, in other news, I started my community group this week! It was awesome, met a lot of cool girlies, and had some great fellowship. I am so glad things are picking up and I am slowly but surely getting a routine.We have 3 weeks of school until finals and then I will get to come home to Conway for 2 WEEKS!!!!!! Can we say TURKEY DAY 2K12?!?!?! I cant wait to be home and be in Conway for longer than 3 days! I miss Sigma Kappa and UCA so much still, it is truly one of the best colleges out there. Intramural finals on the turf? FRRRATTT! So jelly, congrats to Alpha Sig and Kappa Sig on bringing home the gold!
Got to spend an hour on the phone with Holly today, another breath of fresh air. Incredibly blessed by our friendship, love you Hollz! School has been good, I have an A and 2 B's, which will hopefully turn into a B and 2 A's by the time quarter is over.  Got and early weekend this week, tomorrow my class in cancelled, so Bekah, Mel, and I rented the Katy Perry Movie. Before you roll your eyes, you should give it a shot. It is super inspirational, and i LOVE  the message. Be true to yourself, work hard, and dream big. I love you all.
abbey marie

nine.20four.2000andtwelve.

This post is going to be a bit all over the place, but guess what, I don’t care if you like it or not. That’s the beauty of my own blog, there are NO RULES. BOO YEAH.  So let me just tell you, I swear that sometimes if I had my own television show, people would be highly entertained by my daily life and the crazy things that happen. Or don’t happen, in the situation I will discuss later about my morning.  This past weekend I went home for Austin & Mindy’s wedding on Friday and then celebrated my Goddaughter and niece Channing turning 7 on Sunday. It was a big weekend. Super fun, relaxing, and went by incredibly too fast.  I love weddings, I love Love. I can’t wait to get married, because I can’t wait to always have someone to share laughs with and confide in.  Going to weddings gets me excited for Mr. Right, where ever he is, I know he is going to love being my husband, because I have the most fun, and I am always going to be there for him and love him, for whoever he is.  Also I can’t wait to take pictures with my bridesmaids, OKAY I SAID IT. Haha! 

Channing turns 7 on the 28^th of this month, Mom’s birthday is the 1^st of October, and Casey’s birthday is the 30^th!!! AHHHHH FELIZ CUMPLEANOS!!!! All very important people in my life that have helped shape the person I am today. I love you all. 

So this week starts the first tests for me here at Tech, I had one today in Childhood Disease & Disorder and then I have another test tomorrow in International Family studies,  both of which I feel/felt extremely prepared for and am excited to see how I scored after the tests are graded.  So let me briefly explain my morning to you. Last night I stayed up for pretty much the entire night studying all the different immunizations and diseases out there in FCS380 world. Once 4am rolled around the clock I realized I wanted to take a short snooze and wake up around 6am to study some more before my exam at 9:30. I woke up at 6, did my quiet time, made some coffee, and went over all my last minute questions/concerns. Pack up my bag to head out the door and I realized the clicker on my car keys isn’t unlocking my car. So I go up to the driver side door and use the key, it is not unlocking either. I finally get the door to unlock after repetitively messing with it and when I sit down in the car I look up and see where I left my dome light on from the night before when I was unloading my car from the drive back to Rusty from Conway. Great, luckily I call my friend Melanie and she picks me up and takes me to take my exam. I tell Mel when she drops me off that I never take long to take exams and that it wouldn’t take me longer than 45 mins tops, after I finish my exam I look up to see who all is left and lo and behold, I was the last to finish. This also means it took me about an hour and 7 minutes, so Melanie was probably waiting on me and I probably looked incredibly selfish and inconsiderate. Sorry Mel, if you are reading. I come home, and hear the repetitive and friendly reminder that my Dad has constantly drilled into my head every time I leave home to get on the road: “You have triple A roadside assistance, just allow them 30 minutes and they will come anywhere.” So I get home, call triple A, and make arrangements for them to come over and start my car so the battery can charge for a bit in the drive way. While I am waiting on triple A to arrive, I decide to make some lunch for Mel and I. Turkey melts and mac and cheese it is, I prep all the food and start to make the mac and cheese. I turned around for about 20 minutes to make drinks for the table for our meal and when I turn back around I see that the mac and cheese overflowed into the burner and was creating the most pleasant burnt smell amongst our house. Luckily, right as the mac and cheese fiasco 3000 is taking place, the triple A people show up, so while I am juggling a hot pot in one hand, the other hand is opening the door, grabbing my triple A card, and trying to look as calm as possible. I cleaned up the mess; it was fine, just time consuming. My car started, and I actually think I did rather well on that exam. Once I sat down after all of it was over, I just couldn’t help but laugh. All of this took place before the hour of 2pm.  It was a beautiful mess, this Monday morning of mine, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Or maybe I would have, ha-ha.

I am a firm believer in positive thinking and the idea that life is what you make it. After the schedule of events I had this morning, I could have easily labeled today as being a Manic Monday, but rather than giving up hope, I decided to be grateful.  Mom literally texted me right after I had the silent chuckle to myself about how funny my day had gone and said, did you get mine and Aunt Cheryl’s card in the mail? This is what I love about my mom; she is the best at doing little things that are so incredibly thoughtful. Remember that Mr. Right I mentioned earlier? Hopefully he knows how to do this because if not, mom may have to teach him because it is a part of my love language.   Mom always knows how to make me feel special and loved. Something that everyone needs to feel. Mom had just sent me a card in the mail from last week when she knew I wasn't doing so good. Just a sweet reminder that she loved me, and was thinking about me. Aunt Cheryl sent me some congratulatory money in the mail for graduation and I got another babysitting job with Syd! Small blessings can be the biggest blessings sometimes. 

I got to get a sweet nap in this afternoon while watching Finding Nemo in honor of it coming out in 3D THIS WEEK! Thursday I am going to see it with my roomies and JAKE!!!! YAY!!! Jess is coming to visit Wednesday and staying until Friday morning and I am SOOOOOO PUMPED! After my nap I went and studied with a group from class for my test tomorrow and met some really nice and genuine girls. It’s rare that you see those 2 words together… genuine and girls. But, I felt like they were nice.  Another good thing about today: I found out a potential intramural team I should be getting to join, and Becca, my roommate and I had at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted laughing. Laughing is the best.

updated my iphone, it is super modern. Play me in Song pop, I am the best.

Sorry so lengthy and scatterbrained. Love yall.

pit and peak

PIT AND PEAK is something that I recently picked up from the E hit tv show series the Kardashians. Go ahead, rant and rave all you want about how ridiculous you think they are, but I like them. I like the Kardashians because no matter how famous, rich, and selfish they can all be at different times, at the end of the day they always come back together, showing the importance of family. Anyways one thing they do as a family is talk about the PIT of their day, which is the worst part, and the PEAK of their day which is the best part. Some days I may just post my PIT & PEAK, and be done.
PIT: Getting a phone call from the doctor saying that they needed a sample of my fecal matter for lab testing. Gross, and I already did this once, apparently I didn't submit "enough." Clearly the pit of my day.
PEAK: Trying something new: Spin Class. Normally my workout regimen changes a little but I tend to do the same thing for about 2 months then I switch it up. I also hate going to try new work out classes for fear of looking nonathletic which is something I rarely ever look. Tonight my friend Hannah convinced me to go to Spin class with her at the Intramural Center, it was different. Also very intense, which I am happy about. Not only was it intense but also very fun because the spin cycle instructor turns off the lights, and plays hip hop music loudly so people cant see you struggling/hear the panting haha. Since many hip hop songs say mildly inappropriate things, I caught myself immaturely laughing at inappropriate comments.....go figure? haha! Anyways I am pooped and am getting up early tomorrow for 6am yoga. Happy Birthday to Batman Eckert, the coolest  black Pomeranian around and only 4 more days till I get to visit home!

I am a happy Abbey.

http://youtu.be/qTcklclPAsI

seven hundred and thiry days

Wow. Two years ago I posted on this blog. Talking about my life and what it consisted of after Kaleo. Did I even know what life was going to be like 2 years later? I had no idea, I had no idea that I would be living out of state, no idea how God was about to bless me tremendously in my last 2 years at UCA, or the people I was going to meet along the way. I also had no idea of the hardships I was about to experience, people leaving my life that I considered close friends, people moving, graduations, exhaustion, busy-ness,etc.
After graduating from UCA in August of 2012 with a degree in Communication and a minor in Family and Consumer Science, I realized I had a very simple yet tough decision I had to make: stay in Conway and start working, or pursue my dreams and go on for further education. Now staying in Conway seems boring and easy but in fact, staying in Conway would make things hard for me. Abbey loves the element of unknown in her life. After being in Conway all 22 years, I feel like the lack of unknown is slowly but surely boring me to death. Don't get me wrong, Conway is a great town. Not too big to be scared at night when you are alone, but not too small where there is nothing to do. However, Conway is all I have ever known, so staying here just seemed a little to predictable for me. On the other hand, getting more education seemed stressful and expensive. After all, I already got my degree, I just realized what God was calling me to do a little too late. My junior year of college, I was talking to my friend Kelly about how I just felt so lost about what I was supposed to do for my occupation. I had tossed around teaching, I love kids, but I felt like I would be overwhelmed by the amount of kids, after all I value relationships, one on one time, I like to invest. Then of course like most outgoing females in college, I thought about public relations, pharmaceutical sales representative, but I wanted something more "world changing."  I knew that at the end of the day I wanted to be able to say to myself, I helped make someone happier, I contributed to making the world a better place, and that I enjoyed it for the most part. Its unrealistic to think that you are always going to enjoy every aspect of work, after all its a job for a reason. Kelly started to tell me about a position her dad (pediactric doctor) told her about. This occupation is called a Child Life Specialist. A CLS makes sure that a child is ready for any of the emotional/mental stresses that can come on from unwanted sickness and disorders such as cancer. It is also the CLS's responsibility to make sure that the children feel like the hospital is their home, not just a hospitial. Needless to say, lots of laughter and jokes are in the line up for CLS's and mental preparation for anything and everything a child may undergo during the hospital stay. My heart melted as Kelly explained these things to me, and as we watched you tube video after you tube video. I finally felt like God was calling me to do something with my life. Shortly after the talk with Kelly, I began researching on the internet to find out when I could shadow a CLS in a hospital. St.Judes in Memphis,TN had a Child Life day where they told you all about education requirements, let us tour the hospital, and answered any and every question we had. I prayed and prayed for clarity about whether or not God wanted me to pursue this field, and to this day I know this is what I am called to do. Which leads me to my current location: Ruston, Louisiana. I realized in order to be a CLS, I needed to have the appropriate degree and experience. So now I am here at Louisiana Tech University getting my second degree in Family and Child Studies with a concentration on Child Life Therapy.
The move has been hard, I was looking forward to a fresh start, new beginnings, new adventures, and school. I look forward to school because seeing and talking about cancer patients is my heart beat. It sounds so crazy and weird but when I see those kids or hear about them my heart explodes with love. I can't wait to touch those kids lives with happiness and laughter, and hopefully share with them the love of the father up above.  But if I sat here and told you this has been a cake walk so far, I would be lying. Even though Ruston is only 3 hours from Conway, there is so much I miss from back home it is unreal. Things I took for granted in Conway:
1. Knowing where everything is located. --Anytime I go somewhere in Ruston, I better pull out the ole GPS on my phone, because I know the location of 3 things here: my house, campus, and my church.
2. Having my parents so close.-- Going home to eat a nice meal or get some laundry and/or peace and quiet was at an arms length. Now? Not so much.
3. The size of Conway.--Ruston is cute. Conway is great. Ruston is small, I find myself getting bored quite easily. In Conway, I thought I was bored.....no no no. That was not the case.
Regardless of how many things I could tell you about what I miss about Conway and my old life, I could match with good things that have come from this move. But the most important thing has been my relationship with God. Being alone in a town where you virtually know no one, is alarming, lonely, and unpredictable. The element of unknown isn't just an element to your day, it is your ENTIRE day. Needless to say, when I wake up for my QT I am yearning to hear what God is saying to me, whereas before in Conway, I was quite as alert, and anxious to see what God had in store for me. I love how he brings us to him, when we allow him too. I know this is what God wants Abbey to do with her life, so regardless of how hard it is, I will stick to it. And try my hardest to praise him in this storm. Because even though it feels like a storm sometimes compared to how my life could be back home, I know that in suffering there is grace, healing, and mercy. Also growth, which I am already experiencing. I love the God I serve, he is always there. Going to attachChild Life a link to a you tube video on Child Life Specialists. Hope you all enjoy and comment!